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A Course in Meyericles. Two Stories of Kings. Let the Spirit Move You. Little Wave and Old Swell. Guided Meditation For Motivation. How to Beat the Devil. An Exploration of Our Deepest Desire. Poems from Another Realm. Bubbles In The Air. Nothing is Romantic Now. Living Life, Dying Death.

The Incomplete Tim Key. A Circle in a World of Squares The Path of Light. Top Overwatch Jokes. Z is for Zpiritual. Go de Rass to Sleep. Redneck, Hillbilly and Country Lyrics and Diddies. The Search for Authenticity. Deciding the Next Decider. Meeting the Tormentors in Safeway. Tom Turkey Visits on Thanksgiving Day. Forever Fifty and Other Negotiations. Whispers from the Soul. The Gannet's Gastronomic Miscellany. You have 15 points, which you may allocate in any way you wish, but you may not give more than five points to any nominee.

You could allocate 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1 to your five favorites. You could decide it's a three-way tie for first place and give three of them 5 points. You're judging EE here, so don't consider the Guess the Plots, the quality of the query itself, the genre or appeal of the book being queried, the comments, or the identity of the author.

Posted by Evil Editor at Tuesday, December 25, Christmas Guess the Plot. The fake plots below appeared on this blog during the past year. But not all of them proved to be fake. Which two are the actual plots of minions' novels? Driving the sleigh is no problem, but will Christmas be ruined when Carlos has to take a leak at 30, feet? The kid who asked for the jar of marbles will probably think so. A pearl for Christmas, a ruby for Valentine's, and an emerald for her birthday. Sue's husband sure is spending hard to assure her that his cheating days are over. But will the sparkle of her Columbus Day sapphire blind her to his sudden increase in "business trips"?

Evelyn told her mother-in-law that she wears a size 12, when a 16 is closer to the truth. With the family reunion drawing near, will Evelyn resign herself to wearing the ill-fitting gifts her mother-in-law sent her for Christmas, or will she find a way to escape. The Lies that Bind? Poverty and creativity went hand in hand for Pearl, until her homemade Christmas ornaments became big sellers in Winston-Salem.

Success is a puff away, but can she find the right partner for her Cigarette Angel factory or will her plans go up in smoke? Charlotte has a thing for holidays. She poisoned the marshmallow chicks in her first husband's Easter basket, strangled her second husband with the ribbon from the Valentine's Day chocolate box, and suffocated her third with the helium balloons at his own birthday party. Now, as Christmas approaches, hubby 4 wonders why that package under the tree is ticking. Every year, Carrie's creepy boss has groped and French-kissed her at the office holiday party.

With the antidote in her hip pocket, she waits near the mistletoe and keeps her tongue away from her poisoned lipstick. By this time next year, she'll be the VP doing the groping. Christmas at the estate of Lord Ajax was supposed to be the climax of this year's social season-- and the moment Lord Ajax proposes to her. But Clarissa discovers she is not to be the recipient of a marriage proposal, when she discovers her Ajax under the mistletoe, locked in the embrace of. It's Christmas, and Christine has no one to spend it with--until she gets drawn into an international drug conspiracy by hunky doctor David McLeod.

Now that she's found true love, can she stay alive long enough to enjoy it? Beautiful detective Mary Sky must find the X-mas Killer, following the clues he leaves her, before Christmas rolls around again and his knife finds her under the Mistletoe. Kelly Coosman volunteered to work the kissing booth for the parish Christmas Gala…it was the least she could do after Father McElroy rescued her from the streets of Chicago.

Confident his parents won't be getting him a Christmas present, Nate runs away from home and moves into Wal-Mart. When a night security guard finds him and realizes he's the missing boy she read about in the newspaper, she sets up a tent, gets Nate a sleeping bag, and helps him set up a household. Hey, the place gets lonely at night. Investigative journalist Shiela Nagig is working on an expose of the child beauty contest circuit when the Archdiocese of Sheboygan hires her to find out why six of their little angels from the Christmas Play have mysteriously disappeared along with a valuable altarpiece.

Real Plots Below The real plots are 8 and Posted by Evil Editor at 7: Christmas Guess the Plot Quiz. Monday, December 24, Zombies! A dozen of the following thirty titles are available at Amazon. The others were made up by the Evil Minions. Make your guesses; the answers are below. Renaissance Art from a nonliving perspective.

From stretchy to stiff and all the stuff in between. The original do-it-yourself book for zombification. Thursday, December 20, Face-Lift Guess the Plot The Spirit Thief 1. Master thief Kadie will accept any commission if the pay--and the challenge--are enough. But when she "reallocates" the sealed jar on the altar of the crocodile god Sebek, the question becomes, Can she put something back before the world ends? He's Eli, a charming wizard and the greatest thief in the world. She's Miranda, the wizardess hired to hunt him down. But when a more powerful wizard shows up and snatches the kingdom's throne, can Eli and Miranda team up to prevent him from also stealing the souls of inanimate objects?

One by one, the cheerleaders at Central High are succumbing to depression. The homecoming pep rally resembles a funeral. Mary Muffleton can't get through a day without a sip or two of hard spirits. When she finds her whiskey flask mysteriously drained, even teetotaling Mr. Muffleton gets involved in the hunt for the culprit. Strange noises in the basement, a blunt axe and a mismatched pair of shoes are the only clues to the identity of. When ghosts start disappearing, Trevor the poltergeist hopes that heaven has lowered its standards. But then he discovers the truth: In order to free his people, Trevor will pick off his foes one by one, possess a health inspector, and if he's lucky, get people to stop calling him 'Slimer'.

Original Version Dear agent-name-spelled-right , In a world where everything has a soul, [ Everything? Do people feel guilty about sending their trash to a landfill, knowing it deserves a proper burial? But that's not nearly enough for Eli, he has a higher goal, a greater purpose: Of course, "die trying" is exactly what Miranda Lyonet, the wizardess with the impossible job [It's impossible?

My fantasy novel, The Spirit Thief, complete at 75, words, is about what happens when magic, money, and a royal kidnapping gone wrong change the rules in the old game of cat and cat. When Eli talks his way out of jail [Eli: You're not gonna believe this, but. You're right, I don't. Hey, what's your cell door doing off its hinges? We've found you at last, Eli. Turn over our king or die. He escaped days ago. He should be back in Melanoma by now. I don't want to believe you, but you're so damn charming.

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She offers to rescue the king, and catch Eli in the process, [Isn't catching Eli impossible? I know I heard that somewhere. The nobles reluctantly agree, and Miranda begins the dangerous business of tracking down the self-proclaimed "greatest thief in the world. I thought she was already tracking him down. To keep him from ruining the reputation of wizards everywhere? Happy to have any prince, wizard or no, the nobles rush to follow his orders, but Miranda is suspicious.

Can a banished prince really be willing to [Would a banished prince] stick his neck out for the younger brother who took his throne? She gets her answer when Renaud sabotages the king's rescue, cheating Eli out of his ransom money and framing Miranda for the true king's death. Isn't the true king the kidnapped younger brother?

Since when is he dead? But Renaud proves to be a more powerful wizard than she suspected, and it soon becomes clear she's going to need help. Unfortunately, "help" means swallowing her pride and teaming up with the thief who started this whole mess. But even Miranda and Eli together might not be enough to stop the plan Renaud has been hatching since he lost his birthright, and the price of failure could be much higher than Mellinor's throne.

It's your query's Maltese Falcon. Its Ring of Power. He's also the age's most famous thief, but that's not enough for Eli; he vows to earn a bounty of one million gold, or die trying. When Eli talks his way out of jail and kidnaps the king of Mellinor, a country that has forbidden magic since its founding, there's nothing the nobles can do. Enter Miranda Lyonet, a wizardess who arrives on Eli's heels. She offers to rescue the king and catch Eli in the process, if Mellinor will rethink its ban on wizards. But things get complicated when the kidnapped king's older brother Renaud, himself a wizard, takes advantage of the confusion to make his triumphant return.

Would a banished prince really stick his neck out for the younger brother who took his throne? She gets her answer when Renaud sabotages the king's rescue, cheating Eli out of his ransom and framing Miranda for the former king's death. To clear her name, Miranda must take on the traitorous prince, and for that she'll need help.

Unfortunately, "help" means swallowing her pride and teaming up with the thief who started this whole mess--and the price of failure could be the universal destruction of Cocoa Puffs. The Spirit Thief , complete at 75, words, is about what happens when magic, money, and a royal kidnapping gone wrong change the rules in the old game of cat and cat.

Notes How come when a wizard kidnaps the king there's nothing the nobles can do, but when a wizardess is framed for killing the king, she can't get out of the country alive? Are wizards that much more powerful than wizardesses? I recommend calling the kingdom Melanoma. It has a nice ring to it. I liked the query, but it seemed too long for one page. The shorter version probably doesn't include the real price of failure, as I don't know it, but if it's something really terrible, you might want to work it in. Cookbooks are big sellers, especially at holiday time.

But even a cookbook needs a catchy title. Which of the following are real cookbooks, and which were composed by the Evil Minions? There are 11 real books on the list. Favorite Recipes of the Martyrs Kangaroo Cookin': Traditional Meals from Ireland's Emerald Shores.

Actual titles are listed below. Posted by Evil Editor at 6: Wednesday, December 19, Face-Lift Guess the Plot Maureen Pope 1. A starry-eyed nun's chance encounter in the Vatican turns into much more when she gives birth nine months later to a baby girl. In a world where the demons are all too real, the daughter of the Pope gains the power of Super Prayer. As a child, there had been nothing she wanted more than to be Sheena, Queen of the Jungle, but at fifty, she had to face the bitter reality: She was a cross-dresser, she was a nun.

And now, thanks to the liberalized rules of the New Catholic Church, she's the Pope.

Hannah Rogers Literary Agency

His first step is to locate the modern wizards, to enlist their help, and he is shocked to find that there aren't any. Hey, wait just a minute. But can she trust him? When they collide, it's so hot it could set the Amazon on fire. Sue's husband sure is spending hard to assure her that his cheating days are over. I have enclosed a sample.

And man, does she have some altar boys to get back at. Born and orphaned in a taxi in Belfast in , she was adopted and raised by the taxi's deaf driver. She joined the IRA at twelve. Now 26, she's one of the organization's most violent and vicious leaders.

When she discovers she's become pregnant, she faces choices and soul-searching she never expected. She studied the classics when she was very young. Then when she was five her mother sent her to boarding school for ten years. Now she's back, and someone's gonna pay. Original Version Dear Ms. Agentname, Maureen is a privileged child from birth. Silent and observant, she spends her time reading and studying the classics with her father, Adam.

I thought she was studying Oedepus Rex and The Aeneid.

Reward Yourself

Her once-vibrant mother banishes her to a far-off school, where Maureen spends the majority of her childhood. Maureen returns home nearly ten years later to find her whole world changed, [How? The dead are in denial? If this is a zombie book, that's your biggest selling point. Change the title to I Was a Zombie's Daughter. Maureen Pope is a literary fiction piece. It is 64, words. I understand that you are particularly interested in literary fiction; I think that my novel is well-suited to your tastes and hope it fits your agency's needs.

Thank you for considering my submission. I look forward to your response.

Not Found (#404)

All we have here is that a girl's father dies, she goes away for ten years, and when she returns things have changed. Not enough to go on. I, as an unusually prescient editor, can deduce that Maureen's mother murdered Adam, and his spirit can't rest until Maureen kills her mother, marries her stepfather, and finishes reading the complete works of Euripides, but most agents and editors will want the specifics spelled out in the query.

I've pointed out a few places where specifics can be easily added. Posted by Evil Editor at 2: In a small apartment near the Hospital Salpetriere in Paris, the doctor is surprised by the soft sounding of his door knocker. It is a polite knock, not timid, but no louder than it needs to be to attract his attention. He has no scheduled patients, and he approaches the door with curiosity, wondering who is calling so long past the dinner hour on such a snowy night. On the stoop waits a man alone. He wears a thin cape, leather gloves, no hat, seeming impervious to the cold.

His eyes are black, rimmed round with lashes so thick it almost looks as if someone has drawn circles around them with Egyptian kohl. His hair hangs in a long, thick plait down his back, his boots are a dark, butter-soft leather, laced up to his knees. His German is flawless, his glance both hopeful and cautious.

My name is Dragula. I have been referred to you by a friend. He believes you may be able to help me. Dragula nods in thanks and enters. I am racked by a. Am I insane, doctor? Can you possibly help me? He turns toward the fireplace. I shall serve my eternity in Hell. You can offer me no solace? Hey, wait just a minute. You're getting your answers from a magic eight ball?

His eyes dart around the room, like those of a trapped animal. Signs point to yes. Tuesday, December 18, Face-Lift Guess the Plot Cargo Volante 1. Yet another plane comes to a deadly, explosive end when it skitters off the edge of a too-short runway in Brazil. Two hundred dead is bad enough, but when over half of the bodies are found in the cargo hold, the crash unlocks a secret slave trade that Hugo Volante, investigative reporter, will risk his life to expose.

After six months of unemployment, Sue has just started her new shipping and receiving job at Cargo Volante. Soon she learns that the company is bringing huge quantities of marijuana and cocaine into the U. Should Sue report this? Or should she just ask for an employee discount? He's a hunky Brazilian soya farmer intent on expanding his farm into the Brazilian rainforest. She's a hard-headed, voluptuous American environmentalist out to stop deforestation.

When they collide, it's so hot it could set the Amazon on fire. On an abandoned cargo wharf, penniless, homeless, drunk Hiram falls in with a group of drug-addled anarchists. Together they turn the seedy wharf into a thriving venue for dance parties, with Hiram becoming a popular DJ and flying high in the city's social circles--until he starts to miss his old life of dumpster diving and bongs.

Cargo Volante was the code name for a spook research venture, a flying brick with no aerodynamics or fuel. Would this Area 51 project launch the U. It was smuggling of the fowlest kind, and Dirk Destiny was determined to ferret out the depraved ring of black-marketers. But what he hadn't counted on was that the only way to succeed would be to don a tight fur suit and weasel his way in on all fours, hoping that he would be the perfect mole to infiltrate the vole-snatching ring in this spine-tingling tale of small animals gone awry. After several nights of heady conversations with his newfound friends and torrid sex with Sebastian, [Apparently comic books have changed a bit since the days of Archie and Jughead, Richie Rich and The Flash.

With the help of their circle of drug-addled, counterculture buddies, the unlikely pair turn the remote squat into a thriving venue for underground electronic dance music parties, and Hiram lives out his dream of becoming a popular house DJ and socialite in the big city. Is DJ at an underground dance club considered mainstream day-job society?

He ditched the good life for a life of debauchery, dumpster diving and bongs, yet he also quits drinking etc.? Is the tribe to which he belongs the drug-addled counterculture buddies? If so, do they drink? Do they take pride in their appearances? The unlimited supply of pills and speed tempts Hiram with increasing frequency, he is plagued with guilt about leaving his disabled mother and codependent older sister back on the Rez, the fundamental differences between his world view and Sebastian's cause drama in their relationship, and the parties at the wharf have gained enough notoriety to attract unwanted attention.

If anyone has any better suggestions, I'm all ears. I haven't drawn the logo yet. I'd certainly go with Disco Volante as the title over Cargo Volante. And I'd seriously consider adding some flying saucers to the plot. I suppose if I'm gonna read something depressing it might as well have pictures. It's not clear what happens after the dance club becomes successful.

Does Hiram ditch the club for high society, and then go back to Sebastian? If so, when he goes back I would expect him to find the wharf a thriving venue, not the seedy dump it was when he first got there. So how is going back to life with Sebastian connected with dumpster diving? Do they charge money to attend the parties? Is it a business? Where do they get the money for equipment and music and decor etc.? Does the starving artist dip into his trust fund for speakers? Even if there are no super villains, there should be a villain of some sort.

Who's the bad guy who threatens to mess everything up for our "hero"? Monday, December 17, New Beginning Once safely inside the Tribune Saica's house, we threw off our cloaks to reveal our uniforms. The housekeeper gave me a sterner version of the look with which he'd greeted us at the door. Ignoring him, we advanced on the exedra; he retreated before us, slamming his wooden leg down on the floor at every other step, perhaps as a warning.

The smell of food hadn't misled. We interrupted Saica at dinner, he rising from his seat to greet us, and Drusus grabbing the housekeeper and shoving him out of the room. Once Drusus closed the door, he stood with his back to it. That left him conveniently in shadow. No matter--he would have to face Saica soon enough. Saica looked at me for a long moment, then reached for his glass of wine, and sipped from it. Saica examined my uniform as his slender fingers played with the stem of his wine glass. I cast Geraint a glance. If we do not form an alliance, the Jardian will take control.

Your stubbornness does us a disservice. I snatched the order papers from Geraint's hands. We're in the wrong buggering story. Guess the Plot The Dracula Chronicles: The Dragon Awakes 1. The wind brings glad tidings--a child is born unto a minor prince in the little town of Wallachia. And he shall be named Vlad. And he shall be a good man. Then a dragon shall awake and ruin everything.

Another in the cross-genre series in which the author seeks to reinvigorate the moribund fantasy novel, following her widely-acclaimed "Frankenstein and the Philosopher's Stone," "Zombies of the Round Table" and "The Lion, the Witch and the Weredingo.

Dracula was on vacation, working on his memoirs in Newark, the least likely place to have a sleeping dragon. But there was a dragon, under the old Peoples' Express terminal and it smelled Dracula's aura. Was Newark ready for total war between Dracula and Dragona? Would they even notice? It has vampires, it has dragons. Now if only we could fit werewolves in there somewhere Dracula gives the fang to a dragon, creating a new creature that drinks blood and throws away the meat, quadrupling the dragon's harvesting of humans.

Thanks a bunch, Dracula. Dracula's late-night heavy toga-partying with his werewolf buds pisses off a neighborhood dragon, causing a flame war. Original Version Dear Evil: I've recently completed a 90, word novel of supernatural suspense that focuses on the early life of Vlad Dracula. The Early Years I. Hey, you little bastard, just suck it! Dracula in kindergarten Teacher: Okay, which one of you drained Maria's blood? Dracula in ninth grade Principal: Okay, which one of you drained Mrs.

The Dragon Awakes tells the story of an extraordinary man with the power to change the face of Europe forever. A Black Dragon sleeps, as he has done for a hundred years, sated on the blood and pain of the Crusades. Then the winds bring Black Radul tidings of a child — the son of a minor prince in the insignificant country of Wallachia, which borders the Black Sea.

Vlad has the power to cast Europe back into another Dark Age, and postpone the Renaissance for centuries. Radul's goal is to tie the boy to him before the other Great Dragons of Europe can manipulate him for their own purposes. The Dragon Awakes combines the actual events of the life of Prince Vlad Dragula [That's what Dracula goes by when he dresses in women's clothes. Sample chapters and the full manuscript are available at your request. Sincerely, Notes It wasn't clear to me whether Radul wanted to use Vlad to postpone the Renaissance or wanted to prevent other Great Dragons from using him to postpone the Renaissance.

What are the various dragons' motivations? It must be made clear what Radul wants with Dracula. Better to let the editor discover that your story is richly drawn and sumptuous than to declare it so yourself. This reminds me of other books based on the actual events of Dracula's life. Except it has dragons. Anne Rice wrote The Vampire Chronicles. Unless you're Anne Rice, you might consider a new title.

Charter Members of the Vampire Hall of Fame: Dark Fantasy , Historical fiction. Saturday, December 15, New Beginning Paul thrust the sword in deeper, straining to reach the center, most vulnerable point before the fumes knocked him out. The dragon roared and shook his head. Paul shoved the sword to the right and thrust again. He took a deep breath, then regretted it instantly. Nothing like a laughter earthquake to make digging around under dragon scales even more challenging.

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Paul moved the sword and thrust again. There was a loud pop. A noxious stench reached his nostrils. He jumped over the wrapping paper and stormed into the kitchen. Posted by Evil Editor at 1: I thought you might be amused by a new story on Ello's blog in which I as the Chosen One defeat my great antagonist, Evil Editor, who has been murdering authors around the world. Thursday, December 13, New Beginning Chris reached out to the storm door. Sleet pelted the back of his hand then clung with a nearly lost hope. The cold metal handle stung his fingers as the latch pinched his thumb. Grit sloughing from the hand laid stone walls turned slick under his damp boot soles.

Chris slipped over the steps but caught himself. He descended on his toes from the storm's evening twilight to the sawdust twilight of Zach's basement woodshop. Chris helped Zach's cottage toy industry ostensibly for the choice of a winter's evening companionship. The checks Zach left taped to Chris' front door at uneven intervals didn't hurt.

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Their friendship lingered from Chris' high school days when Zach taught Shakespeare with a passion now absent. Chris pulled the first of dozens of clamped wooden cubes from hooks screwed into the exposed floor joists above. He turned to the band saw. I don't know why I--" The phone interrupted. Zach snatched up the receiver.

Listen, you fat fuck, we're going as quick as we can. We're not fucking magic. You'll get 'em when they're ready. What's the fucking hurry? Yeah I guess that's-- Yeah, okay. But don't be surprised if they look as rough as a whore's. He remembered what it was like being on the Naughty list last year.

Guess the Plot For a Short Time 1. The graffiti in the bathroom put him over the edge. He's got Viagra now, and Dave is out for revenge. Sylvia knew the man of her dreams was out there. But, unless she wore stilletos, five-foot-nothing Sylvia couldn't see through the crowds to find him.

Until one night, when she was out for drinks and saw, scrawled on the ladies room wall, a message she feared was too good to be true: After a lifetime being towered over by women, Shorty wants to do something for other short guys.

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But will the bank approve a small business loan to start an escort service for the vertically challenged? It took Cassie Trent a long time to figure out that there was nothing wrong with a short time. At least not when that short time was five minutes in bed with Brad Pitt. Unfortunately now she's going to have his baby to deal with. When Keri meets the Quinn cousins, she immediately falls for tall actor Keith and becomes friends with short carpenter Jeremy.

Will she learn that big things really do come in small packages before it's too late and she develops a permanent facial disorder? When Rick tells Gabrielle he has only six months to live, she must decide whether to say goodbye now, or whether the eventual sorrow is worth it, to be truly happy. For a Short Time. Keri falls unusually hard for Keith, a handsome actor running from lurid secrets, [After living in LA and New York, she has to go to Dubuque to meet an actor? Or just Tom Cruise short 4' 11"? Doctor, I was out on a date with Keith Quinn, and suddenly I couldn't move my facial muscles on the left side.

Sounds like Bell's Palsy. That wouldn't have happened if you'd been out on a date with Jeremy Quinn. I have enclosed a sample. May I send you the manuscript?